New Orioles Rules

And we’re not talking about beer in the clubhouse

By Christopher Heun

One story out of spring training this year was that manager Sam Perlozzo was running a tighter ship than in the past. But after watching his bullpen (well, mostly just Danys Baez) blow two leads and suffer aching losses two Sundays in a row, maybe this team needs even more discipline.

So, we suggest the following rules:

Rule #1: Erik Bedard after 98 pitches is still better than anyone in the Orioles bullpen.

Last Sunday in DC, Bedard told Perlozzo he was tired after 7 innings. Baez entered the game and quickly snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.

Bedard is this team’s version of an ace. Couldn’t he take the mound one more time and give it his best shot?

Rule #2: On The Seventh Day, Baez Rests

No Danys Baez on Sundays. Last Sunday makes twice in row that he has failed on the first day of the week. Let’s hope we don’t see him Memorial Day Eve when the A’s visit Camden Yards.

Rule #3: Meet Baez Behind the Dugout After the 8th Inning

Last week, Jay Payton and Melvin Mora nearly came to fisticuffs in the dugout, followed the next night by a shouting match between Freddie Bynum and first base coach Sam Mejias (a guy who plays once a month mixing it up with a little-known coach: what’s next, the bat boy making yo’ momma jokes about the traveling secretary?)

The guy who really deserves to be beaten up by his teammates is Baez.

Rule #3A: Not All Rules Are About Danys Baez.

Really. They’re not. Keep reading.

Rule #4: Perlozzo Can’t Pull His Starter Until He Gives Up At Least 3 Runs

Yeah, yeah, we know: a bullpen should be able to get two, three, even six outs before squandering leads of as much as five runs. But how about letting the starters go a little longer?

Bedard and Jeremy Guthrie (the starter on Sunday, May 12, the first of Baez’s blowups) are both 28 years old. They’re physically capable of throwing 100 pitches, even — gasp — 109. Dare to be bold.

Rule #5: We Don’t Want the Real Steve Trachsel Anyway

Let’s not look too hard for the real Steve Trachsel, because the one pitching for the Orioles is making us forget everything we said about him in spring training (hint: it wasn’t good).

In half of his 10 starts this season, Trachsel has pitched at least six innings and allowed less than three earned runs. He’s allowed more than three earned runs only once.

Rule #6: Jay Gibbons Should Stop His Rodrigo Lopez Impression

Last season, Lopez whined when he was banished to the bullpen after his ERA swelled to more than 6.00. This year, an unhappy Gibbons has been singing the same tune when his playing time shrunk.

Our reaction to Gibbons is exactly the same as what we had to say to Lopez: who is he kidding? Be thankful you signed that four-year contract when you did.


About mptaylor11

Roar from 34, a Baltimore Orioles Blog. Humor. History. Homerism. Since 2006.
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1 Response to New Orioles Rules

  1. and the golden rule…do not forsake your mates and wander afar in search of gold and treasure

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